SOUTHERN TAGALOG
1.)Suan Eket
Narrated by Manuel Reyes, a Tagalog from Rizal province.
Many
years ago there lived in the country of Campao a boy named Suan. While
this boy was studying in a private school, it was said that he could not
pronounce the letter x very well–he called it “eket.” So his
schoolmates nick-named him “Suan Eket.” Finally Suan left school,
because, whenever he went there, the other pupils always shouted at him,
“Eket, eket, eket!”
He
went home, and told his mother to buy him a pencil and a pad of paper.
“I am the wisest boy in our town now,” said he. One night Suan stole his
father’s plough, and hid it in a creek near their house. The next
morning his father could not find his plough. “What are you looking
for?” said Suan. “My plough,” answered his father.
“Come
here, father! I will guess where it is.” Suan took his pencil and a
piece of paper. On the paper he wrote figures of various shapes. He then
looked up, and said, “Ararokes, ararokes, Na na nakawes Ay na
s’imburnales,”-which meant that the plough had been stolen by a neighbor
and hidden in a creek. Suan’s father looked for it in the creek near
their house, and found it. In great wonder he said, “My son is truly the
wisest boy in the town.”
News
spread that Suan was a good guesser. One day as Suan was up in a
guava-tree, he saw his uncle Pedro ploughing. At noon Pedro went home to
eat his dinner, leaving the plough and the carabao in the field. Suan
got down from the tree and climbed up on the carabao’s back. He guided
it to a very secret place in the mountains and hid it there. When Pedro
came back, he could not find his carabao. A man who was passing by said,
“Pedro, what are you looking for?” “I am looking for my carabao.
Somebody must have stolen it.” “Go to Suan, your nephew,” said the man.
“He can tell you who stole your carabao.” So Pedro went to Suan’s house,
and told him to guess who had taken his carabao. Suan took his pencil
and a piece of paper. On the paper he wrote some round figures. He then
looked up, and said,
“Carabaues, carabaues, Na nanakawes Ay na sa bundokes,”–
which
meant that the carabao was stolen by a neighbor and was hidden in the
mountain. For many days Pedro looked for it in the mountain. At last he
found it in a very secret place. He then went to Suan’s house, and told
him that the carabao was truly in the mountain. In great wonder he said,
“My nephew is surely a good guesser.” One Sunday a proclamation of the
king was read. It was as follows: “The princess’s ring is lost. Whoever
can tell who stole it shall have my daughter for his wife; but he who
tries and fails, loses his head.” When Suan’s mother heard it, she
immediately went to the palace, and said, “King, my son can tell you who
stole your daughter’s ring.” “Very well,” said the king, “I will send
my carriage for your son to ride to the palace in.” In great joy the
woman went home. She was only ascending the ladder when she shouted,
“Suan Suan, my fortunate son!”
“What is it, mother?” said Suan.
“I told the king that you could tell him who stole the princess’s ring.”
“Foolish
mother, do you want me to die?” said Suan, trembling. Suan had scarcely
spoken these words when the king’s carriage came. The coachman was a
courtier. This man was really the one who had stolen the princess’s
ring. When Suan was in the carriage, he exclaimed in great sorrow,
“Death is at hand!”
Then
he blasphemed, and said aloud to himself, “You will lose your life
now.” The coachman thought that Suan was addressing him. He said to
himself, “I once heard that this man is a good guesser. He must know
that it was I who stole the ring, because he said that my death is at
hand.” So he knelt before Suan, and said, “Pity me! Don’t tell the king
that it was I who stole the ring!” Suan was surprised at what the
coachman said. After thinking for a moment, he asked, “Where is the
ring?” “Here it is.” “All right! Listen, and I will tell you what you
must do in order that you may not be punished by the king. You must
catch one of the king’s geese tonight, and make it swallow the ring.”
The
coachman did what Suan had told him to do. He caught a goose and opened
its mouth. He then dropped the ring into it, and pressed the bird’s
throat until it swallowed the ring.
The
next morning the king called Suan, and said, “Tell me now who stole my
daughter’s ring.” “May I have a candle? I cannot guess right if I have
no candle,” said Suan. The king gave him one. He lighted it and put it
on a round table. He then looked up and down. He went around the table
several times, uttering Latin words. Lastly he said in a loud voice, “Mi
domine!”
“Where is the ring?” said the king.
Suan replied,–
“Singsing
na nawala Ninakao ang akala Ay nas’ ‘big ng gansa,” which meant that
the ring was not stolen, but had been swallowed by a goose. The king
ordered all the geese to be killed. In the crop of one of them they
found the ring. In great joy the king patted Suan on the back, and said,
“You are truly the wisest boy in the world.” The next day there was a
great entertainment, and Suan and the princess were married.
2.)The Small Key
by Paz M. Latovena
It
was lonely dwelling located far from its neighbors, which were huddled
close to one another as if for mutual comfort. It was flanked on both
sides by tall, slender bamboo tree which rustled plaintively under a
gentle wind.
On
the porch a woman past her early twenties stood regarding the scene
before her with eyes made incurious by its familiarity. All around her
the land stretched endlessly, it seemed, and vanished into the
distance. There were dark, newly plowed furrows where in due time
timorous seedling would give rise to sturdy stalks and golden grain, to
a rippling yellow sea in the wind and sun during harvest time. Promise
of plenty and reward for hard toil! With a sigh of discontent,
however, the woman turned and entered a small dining room where a man
sat over a belated a midday meal.
Pedro
Buhay, a prosperous farmer, looked up from his plate and smiled at his
wife as she stood framed by the doorway, the sunlight glinting on her
dark hair, which was drawn back, without relenting wave, from a rather
prominent and austere brow.
“Where are the shirts I ironed yesterday?” she asked as she approached the table.
“In my trunk, I think,” he answered.
“Some of them need darning,” and observing the empty plate, she added, “do you want some more rice?”
“No,” hastily, “I am in a burry to get back. We must finish plowing the south field today because tomorrow is Sunday.”
Pedro pushed the chair back and stood up. Soledad began to pile the dirty dishes one on top of the other.
“Here
is the key to my trunk.” From the pocket of his khaki coat he pulled a
string of non descript red which held together a big shiny key and
another small, rather rusty looking one.
With
deliberate care he untied the knot and, detaching the big key, dropped
the small one back into his pocket. She watched him fixedly as he did
this. The smile left her face and a strange look came into her eyes as
she took the big key from him without a word. Together they left the
dining room.
Out of the porch he put an arm around her shoulders and peered into her shadowed face.
“You look pale and tired,” he remarked softly. “What have you been doing all morning?”
“Nothing,” she said listlessly. “But the heat gives me a headache.”
“Then lie down and try to sleep while I am gone.” For a moment they looked deep into each other’s eyes.
“It is really warm,” he continued. “I think I will take off my coat.”
He removed the garment absent mindedly and handed it to her. The stairs creaked under his weight as he went down.
“Choleng,”
he turned his head as he opened the gate, “I shall pass by Tia Maria’s
house and tell her to come. I may not return before dark.”
Soledad
nodded. Her eyes followed her husband down the road, noting the fine
set of his head and shoulders, the case of his stride. A strange ache
rose in her throat.
She
looked at the coat he had handed to her. It exuded a faint smell of
his favorite cigars, one of which he invariably smoked, after the day’s
work, on his way home from the fields. Mechanically, she began to fold
the garment.
As
she was doing so, s small object fell from the floor with a dull,
metallic sound. Soledad stooped down to pick it up. It was the small
key! She stared at it in her palm as if she had never seen it before.
Her mouth was tightly drawn and for a while she looked almost old.
She
passed into the small bedroom and tossed the coat carelessly on the
back of a chair. She opened the window and the early afternoon sunshine
flooded in. On a mat spread on the bamboo floor were some newly washed
garments.
She
began to fold them one by one in feverish haste, as if seeking in the
task of the moment in refuge from painful thoughts. But her eyes moved
restlessly around the room until they rested almost furtively on a
small trunk that was half concealed by a rolled mat in a dark corner.
It
was a small old trunk, without anything on the outside that might
arouse one’s curiosity. But it held the things she had come to hate
with unreasoning violence, the things that were causing her so much
unnecessary anguish and pain and threatened to destroy all that was
most beautiful between her and her husband!
Soledad
came across a torn garment. She threaded a needle, but after a few
uneven stitches she pricked her finger and a crimson drop stained the
white garment. Then she saw she had been mending on the wrong side.
“What is the matter with me?” she asked herself aloud as she pulled the thread with nervous and impatient fingers.
What did it matter if her husband chose to keep the clothes of his first wife?
“She is dead anyhow. She is dead,” she repeated to herself over and over again.
The
sound of her own voice calmed her. She tried to thread the needle once
more. But she could not, not for the tears had come unbidden and
completely blinded her.
“My God,” she cried with a sob, “make me forget Indo’s face as he put the small key back into his pocket.”
She
brushed her tears with the sleeves of her camisa and abruptly stood
up. The heat was stifling, and the silence in the house was beginning
to be unendurable.
She
looked out of the window. She wondered what was keeping Tia Maria.
Perhaps Pedro had forgotten to pass by her house in his hurry. She could
picture him out there in the south field gazing far and wide at the
newly plowed land with no thought in his mind but of work, work. For to
the people of the barrio whose patron saint, San Isidro Labrador,
smiled on them with benign eyes from his crude altar in the little
chapel up the hill, this season was a prolonged hour during which they
were blind and dead to everything but the demands of the land.
During
the next half hour Soledad wandered in and out of the rooms in effort
to seek escape from her own thoughts and to fight down an overpowering
impulse. If Tia Maria would only come and talk to her to divert her
thoughts to other channels!
But
the expression on her husband’s face as he put the small key back into
his pocket kept torturing her like a nightmare, goading beyond
endurance. Then, with all resistance to the impulse gone, she was
kneeling before the small trunk. With the long drawn breath she
inserted the small key. There was an unpleasant metallic sound, for the
key had not been used for a long time and it was rusty.
That
evening Pedro Buhay hurried home with the usual cigar dangling from
his mouth, pleased with himself and the tenants because the work in the
south field had been finished. Tia Maria met him at the gate and told
him that Soledad was in bed with a fever.
“I shall go to town and bring Doctor Santos,” he decided, his cool hand on his wife’s brow.
Soledad opened her eyes.
“Don’t,
Indo,” she begged with a vague terror in her eyes which he took for
anxiety for him because the town was pretty far and the road was dark
and deserted by that hour of the night. “I shall be alright tomorrow.”
Pedro
returned an hour later, very tired and very worried. The doctor was
not at home but his wife had promised to give him Pedro’s message as
soon as he came in.
Tia
Maria decide to remain for the night. But it was Pedro who stayed up
to watch the sick woman. He was puzzled and worried – more than he
cared to admit it. It was true that Soledad did not looked very well
early that afternoon. Yet, he thought, the fever was rather sudden. He
was afraid it might be a symptom of a serious illness.
Soledad
was restless the whole night. She tossed from one side to another, but
toward morning she fell into some sort of troubled sleep. Pedro then
lay down to snatch a few winks.
He
woke up to find the soft morning sunshine streaming through the
half-open window. He got up without making any noise. His wife was
still asleep and now breathing evenly. A sudden rush of tenderness came
over him at the sight of her – so slight, so frail.
Tia
Maria was nowhere to be seen, but that did not bother him, for it was
Sunday and the work in the south field was finished. However, he missed
the pleasant aroma which came from the kitchen every time he had
awakened early in the morning.
The
kitchen was neat but cheerless, and an immediate search for wood
brought no results. So shouldering an ax, Pedro descended the rickety
stairs that led to the backyard.
The
morning was clear and the breeze soft and cool. Pedro took in a deep
breath of air. It was good – it smelt of trees, of the ricefields, of
the land he loved.
He
found a pile of logs under the young mango tree near the house and
began to chop. He swung the ax with rapid clean sweeps, enjoying the
feel of the smooth wooden handle in his palms.
As he stopped for a while to mop his brow, his eyes caught the remnants of a smudge that had been built in the backyard.
“Ah!”
he muttered to himself. “She swept the yard yesterday after I left
her. That, coupled with the heat, must have given her a headache and
then the fever.”
The morning breeze stirred the ashes and a piece of white cloth fluttered into view.
Pedro
dropped his ax. It was a half-burn panuelo. Somebody had been burning
clothes. He examined the slightly ruined garment closely. A puzzled
expression came into his eyes. First it was doubt groping for truth,
then amazement, and finally agonized incredulity passed across his face.
He almost ran back to the house. In three strides he was upstairs. He
found his coat hanging from the back of a chair.
Cautiously
he entered the room. The heavy breathing of his wife told him that she
was still asleep. As he stood by the small trunk, a vague distaste to
open it assailed to him. Surely he must be mistaken. She could not have
done it, she could not have been that… that foolish.
Resolutely he opened the trunk. It was empty.
It
was nearly noon when the doctor arrived. He felt Soledad’s pulse and
asked question which she answered in monosyllables. Pedro stood by
listening to the whole procedure with an inscrutable expression on his
face. He had the same expression when the doctor told him that nothing
was really wrong with his wife although she seemed to be worried about
something. The physician merely prescribed a day of complete rest.
Pedro
lingered on the porch after the doctor left. He was trying not to be
angry with his wife. He hoped it would be just an interlude that could
be recalled without bitterness. She would explain sooner or later, she
would be repentant, perhaps she would even listen and eventually forgive
her, for she was young and he loved her. But somehow he knew that this
incident would always remain a shadow in their lives.
THROUGH
the open window the air-steeped outdoors passed into his room, quietly
enveloping him, stealing into his very thought. Esperanza, Julia, the
sorry mess he had made of life, the years to come even now beginning to
weigh down, to crush--they lost concreteness, diffused into formless
melancholy. The tranquil murmur of conversation issued from the
brick-tiled azotea where Don Julian and Carmen were busy puttering away
among the rose pots.
"Papa, and when will the 'long table' be set?"
"I don't know yet. Alfredo is not very specific, but I understand Esperanza wants it to be next month."
Carmen
sighed impatiently. "Why is he not a bit more decided, I wonder. He is
over thirty, is he not? And still a bachelor! Esperanza must be tired
waiting."
"She does not seem to be in much of a hurry either," Don Julian nasally commented, while his rose scissors busily snipped away.
"How
can a woman be in a hurry when the man does not hurry her?" Carmen
returned, pinching off a worm with a careful, somewhat absent air.
"Papa, do you remember how much in love he was?"
"In love? With whom?"
"With
Esperanza, of course. He has not had another love affair that I know
of," she said with good-natured contempt. "What I mean is that at the
beginning he was enthusiastic--flowers, serenades, notes, and things
like that--"
Alfredo
remembered that period with a wonder not unmixed with shame. That was
less than four years ago. He could not understand those months of a
great hunger that was not of the body nor yet of the mind, a craving
that had seized on him one quiet night when the moon was abroad and
under the dappled shadow of the trees in the plaza, man wooed maid. Was
he being cheated by life? Love--he seemed to have missed it. Or was
the love that others told about a mere fabrication of perfervid
imagination, an exaggeration of the commonplace, a glorification of
insipid monotonies such as made up his love life? Was love a combination
of circumstances, or sheer native capacity of soul? In those days love
was, for him, still the eternal puzzle; for love, as he knew it, was a
stranger to love as he divined it might be.
Sitting
quietly in his room now, he could almost revive the restlessness of
those days, the feeling of tumultuous haste, such as he knew so well in
his boyhood when something beautiful was going on somewhere and he was
trying to get there in time to see. "Hurry, hurry, or you will miss
it," someone had seemed to urge in his ears. So he had avidly seized on
the shadow of Love and deluded himself for a long while in the way of
humanity from time immemorial. In the meantime, he became very much
engaged to Esperanza.
Why
would men so mismanage their lives? Greed, he thought, was what ruined
so many. Greed--the desire to crowd into a moment all the enjoyment it
will hold, to squeeze from the hour all the emotion it will yield. Men
commit themselves when but half-meaning to do so, sacrificing possible
future fullness of ecstasy to the craving for immediate excitement.
Greed--mortgaging the future--forcing the hand of Time, or of Fate.
"What do you think happened?" asked Carmen, pursuing her thought.
"I
supposed long-engaged people are like that; warm now, cool tomorrow. I
think they are oftener cool than warm. The very fact that an
engagement has been allowed to prolong itself argues a certain
placidity of temperament--or of affection--on the part of either, or
both." Don Julian loved to philosophize. He was talking now with an
evident relish in words, his resonant, very nasal voice toned down to
monologue pitch. "That phase you were speaking of is natural enough for a
beginning. Besides, that, as I see it, was Alfredo's last race with
escaping youth--"
Carmen
laughed aloud at the thought of her brother's perfect physical
repose--almost indolence--disturbed in the role suggested by her
father's figurative language.
"A last spurt of hot blood," finished the old man.
Few
certainly would credit Alfredo Salazar with hot blood. Even his
friends had amusedly diagnosed his blood as cool and thin, citing
incontrovertible evidence. Tall and slender, he moved with an indolent
ease that verged on grace. Under straight recalcitrant hair, a thin face
with a satisfying breadth of forehead, slow, dreamer's eyes, and
astonishing freshness of lips--indeed Alfredo Salazar's appearance
betokened little of exuberant masculinity; rather a poet with wayward
humor, a fastidious artist with keen, clear brain.
He
rose and quietly went out of the house. He lingered a moment on the
stone steps; then went down the path shaded by immature acacias,
through the little tarred gate which he left swinging back and forth,
now opening, now closing, on the gravel road bordered along the farther
side by madre cacao hedge in tardy lavender bloom.
The
gravel road narrowed as it slanted up to the house on the hill, whose
wide, open porches he could glimpse through the heat-shrivelled
tamarinds in the Martinez yard.
Six
weeks ago that house meant nothing to him save that it was the
Martinez house, rented and occupied by Judge del Valle and his family.
Six weeks ago Julia Salas meant nothing to him; he did not even know her
name; but now--
One
evening he had gone "neighboring" with Don Julian; a rare enough
occurrence, since he made it a point to avoid all appearance of currying
favor with the Judge. This particular evening however, he had allowed
himself to be persuaded. "A little mental relaxation now and then is
beneficial," the old man had said. "Besides, a judge's good will, you
know;" the rest of the thought--"is worth a rising young lawyer's
trouble"--Don Julian conveyed through a shrug and a smile that derided
his own worldly wisdom.
A
young woman had met them at the door. It was evident from the
excitement of the Judge's children that she was a recent and very
welcome arrival. In the characteristic Filipino way formal introductions
had been omitted--the judge limiting himself to a casual "Ah, ya se
conocen?"--with the consequence that Alfredo called her Miss del Valle
throughout the evening.
He
was puzzled that she should smile with evident delight every time he
addressed her thus. Later Don Julian informed him that she was not the
Judge's sister, as he had supposed, but his sister-in-law, and that her
name was Julia Salas. A very dignified rather austere name, he
thought. Still, the young lady should have corrected him. As it was, he
was greatly embarrassed, and felt that he should explain.
To
his apology, she replied, "That is nothing, Each time I was about to
correct you, but I remembered a similar experience I had once before."
"Oh," he drawled out, vastly relieved.
"A
man named Manalang--I kept calling him Manalo. After the tenth time or
so, the young man rose from his seat and said suddenly, 'Pardon me,
but my name is Manalang, Manalang.' You know, I never forgave him!"
He laughed with her.
"The
best thing to do under the circumstances, I have found out," she
pursued, "is to pretend not to hear, and to let the other person find
out his mistake without help."
"As you did this time. Still, you looked amused every time I--"
"I was thinking of Mr. Manalang."
Don
Julian and his uncommunicative friend, the Judge, were absorbed in a
game of chess. The young man had tired of playing appreciative
spectator and desultory conversationalist, so he and Julia Salas had
gone off to chat in the vine-covered porch. The lone piano in the
neighborhood alternately tinkled and banged away as the player's moods
altered. He listened, and wondered irrelevantly if Miss Salas could
sing; she had such a charming speaking voice.
He
was mildly surprised to note from her appearance that she was
unmistakably a sister of the Judge's wife, although DoƱa Adela was of a
different type altogether. She was small and plump, with wide brown
eyes, clearly defined eyebrows, and delicately modeled hips--a pretty
woman with the complexion of a baby and the expression of a likable cow.
Julia was taller, not so obviously pretty. She had the same eyebrows
and lips, but she was much darker, of a smooth rich brown with
underlying tones of crimson which heightened the impression she gave of
abounding vitality.
On
Sunday mornings after mass, father and son would go crunching up the
gravel road to the house on the hill. The Judge's wife invariably
offered them beer, which Don Julian enjoyed and Alfredo did not. After a
half hour or so, the chessboard would be brought out; then Alfredo and
Julia Salas would go out to the porch to chat. She sat in the low
hammock and he in a rocking chair and the hours--warm, quiet March
hours--sped by. He enjoyed talking with her and it was evident that she
liked his company; yet what feeling there was between them was so
undisturbed that it seemed a matter of course. Only when Esperanza
chanced to ask him indirectly about those visits did some uneasiness
creep into his thoughts of the girl next door.
Esperanza
had wanted to know if he went straight home after mass. Alfredo
suddenly realized that for several Sundays now he had not waited for
Esperanza to come out of the church as he had been wont to do. He had
been eager to go "neighboring."
He
answered that he went home to work. And, because he was not habitually
untruthful, added, "Sometimes I go with Papa to Judge del Valle's."
She
dropped the topic. Esperanza was not prone to indulge in unprovoked
jealousies. She was a believer in the regenerative virtue of
institutions, in their power to regulate feeling as well as conduct. If a
man were married, why, of course, he loved his wife; if he were
engaged, he could not possibly love another woman.
That
half-lie told him what he had not admitted openly to himself, that he
was giving Julia Salas something which he was not free to give. He
realized that; yet something that would not be denied beckoned
imperiously, and he followed on.
It
was so easy to forget up there, away from the prying eyes of the
world, so easy and so poignantly sweet. The beloved woman, he standing
close to her, the shadows around, enfolding.
"Up here I find--something--"
He
and Julia Salas stood looking out into the she quiet night. Sensing
unwanted intensity, laughed, woman-like, asking, "Amusement?"
"No; youth--its spirit--"
"Are you so old?"
"And heart's desire."
Was he becoming a poet, or is there a poet lurking in the heart of every man?
"Down
there," he had continued, his voice somewhat indistinct, "the road is
too broad, too trodden by feet, too barren of mystery."
"Down
there" beyond the ancient tamarinds lay the road, upturned to the
stars. In the darkness the fireflies glimmered, while an errant breeze
strayed in from somewhere, bringing elusive, faraway sounds as of
voices in a dream.
"Mystery--" she answered lightly, "that is so brief--"
"Not in some," quickly. "Not in you."
"You have known me a few weeks; so the mystery."
"I could study you all my life and still not find it."
"So long?"
"I should like to."
Those
six weeks were now so swift--seeming in the memory, yet had they been
so deep in the living, so charged with compelling power and sweetness.
Because neither the past nor the future had relevance or meaning, he
lived only the present, day by day, lived it intensely, with such a
willful shutting out of fact as astounded him in his calmer moments.
Just
before Holy Week, Don Julian invited the judge and his family to spend
Sunday afternoon at Tanda where he had a coconut plantation and a
house on the beach. Carmen also came with her four energetic children.
She and DoƱa Adela spent most of the time indoors directing the
preparation of the merienda and discussing the likeable absurdities of
their husbands--how Carmen's Vicente was so absorbed in his farms that
he would not even take time off to accompany her on this visit to her
father; how DoƱa Adela's Dionisio was the most absentminded of men,
sometimes going out without his collar, or with unmatched socks.
After
the merienda, Don Julian sauntered off with the judge to show him what
a thriving young coconut looked like--"plenty of leaves, close set,
rich green"--while the children, convoyed by Julia Salas, found
unending entertainment in the rippling sand left by the ebbing tide.
They were far down, walking at the edge of the water, indistinctly
outlined against the gray of the out-curving beach.
Alfredo
left his perch on the bamboo ladder of the house and followed. Here
were her footsteps, narrow, arched. He laughed at himself for his black
canvas footwear which he removed forthwith and tossed high up on dry
sand.
When he came up, she flushed, then smiled with frank pleasure.
"I hope you are enjoying this," he said with a questioning inflection.
"Very much. It looks like home to me, except that we do not have such a lovely beach."
There
was a breeze from the water. It blew the hair away from her forehead,
and whipped the tucked-up skirt around her straight, slender figure. In
the picture was something of eager freedom as of wings poised in
flight. The girl had grace, distinction. Her face was not notably
pretty; yet she had a tantalizing charm, all the more compelling because
it was an inner quality, an achievement of the spirit. The lure was
there, of naturalness, of an alert vitality of mind and body, of a
thoughtful, sunny temper, and of a piquant perverseness which is sauce
to charm.
"The afternoon has seemed very short, hasn't it?" Then, "This, I think, is the last time--we can visit."
"The last? Why?"
"Oh, you will be too busy perhaps."
He noted an evasive quality in the answer.
"Do I seem especially industrious to you?"
"If you are, you never look it."
"Not perspiring or breathless, as a busy man ought to be."
"But--"
"Always unhurried, too unhurried, and calm." She smiled to herself.
"I wish that were true," he said after a meditative pause.
She waited.
"A man is happier if he is, as you say, calm and placid."
"Like a carabao in a mud pool," she retorted perversely
"Who? I?"
"Oh, no!"
"You said I am calm and placid."
"That is what I think."
"I used to think so too. Shows how little we know ourselves."
It was strange to him that he could be wooing thus: with tone and look and covert phrase.
"I should like to see your home town."
"There is nothing to see--little crooked streets, bunut roofs with ferns growing on them, and sometimes squashes."
That
was the background. It made her seem less detached, less unrelated,
yet withal more distant, as if that background claimed her and excluded
him.
"Nothing? There is you."
"Oh, me? But I am here."
"I will not go, of course, until you are there."
"Will you come? You will find it dull. There isn't even one American there!"
"Well--Americans are rather essential to my entertainment."
She laughed.
"We live on Calle Luz, a little street with trees."
"Could I find that?"
"If you don't ask for Miss del Valle," she smiled teasingly.
"I'll inquire about--"
"What?"
"The house of the prettiest girl in the town."
"There is where you will lose your way." Then she turned serious. "Now, that is not quite sincere."
"It is," he averred slowly, but emphatically.
"I thought you, at least, would not say such things."
"Pretty--pretty--a foolish word! But there is none other more handy I did not mean that quite--"
"Are you withdrawing the compliment?"
"Re-enforcing it, maybe. Something is pretty when it pleases the eye--it is more than that when--"
"If it saddens?" she interrupted hastily.
"Exactly."
"It must be ugly."
"Always?"
Toward the west, the sunlight lay on the dimming waters in a broad, glinting streamer of crimsoned gold.
"No, of course you are right."
"Why did you say this is the last time?" he asked quietly as they turned back.
"I am going home."
The end of an impossible dream!
"When?" after a long silence.
"Tomorrow. I received a letter from Father and Mother yesterday. They want me to spend Holy Week at home."
She seemed to be waiting for him to speak. "That is why I said this is the last time."
"Can't I come to say good-bye?"
"Oh, you don't need to!"
"No, but I want to."
"There is no time."
The
golden streamer was withdrawing, shortening, until it looked no more
than a pool far away at the rim of the world. Stillness, a vibrant
quiet that affects the senses as does solemn harmony; a peace that is
not contentment but a cessation of tumult when all violence of feeling
tones down to the wistful serenity of regret. She turned and looked into
his face, in her dark eyes a ghost of sunset sadness.
"Home seems so far from here. This is almost like another life."
"I know. This is Elsewhere, and yet strange enough, I cannot get rid of the old things."
"Old things?"
"Oh,
old things, mistakes, encumbrances, old baggage." He said it lightly,
unwilling to mar the hour. He walked close, his hand sometimes touching
hers for one whirling second.
Don Julian's nasal summons came to them on the wind.
Alfredo
gripped the soft hand so near his own. At his touch, the girl turned
her face away, but he heard her voice say very low, "Good-bye."
II
ALFREDO
Salazar turned to the right where, farther on, the road broadened and
entered the heart of the town--heart of Chinese stores sheltered under
low-hung roofs, of indolent drug stores and tailor shops, of dingy
shoe-repairing establishments, and a cluttered goldsmith's cubbyhole
where a consumptive bent over a magnifying lens; heart of old
brick-roofed houses with quaint hand-and-ball knockers on the door;
heart of grass-grown plaza reposeful with trees, of ancient church and
convento, now circled by swallows gliding in flight as smooth and soft
as the afternoon itself. Into the quickly deepening twilight, the voice
of the biggest of the church bells kept ringing its insistent summons.
Flocking came the devout with their long wax candles, young women in
vivid apparel (for this was Holy Thursday and the Lord was still
alive), older women in sober black skirts. Came too the young men in
droves, elbowing each other under the talisay tree near the church
door. The gaily decked rice-paper lanterns were again on display while
from the windows of the older houses hung colored glass globes,
heirlooms from a day when grasspith wicks floating in coconut oil were
the chief lighting device.
Soon
a double row of lights emerged from the church and uncoiled down the
length of the street like a huge jewelled band studded with glittering
clusters where the saints' platforms were. Above the measured music
rose the untutored voices of the choir, steeped in incense and the
acrid fumes of burning wax.
The
sight of Esperanza and her mother sedately pacing behind Our Lady of
Sorrows suddenly destroyed the illusion of continuity and broke up
those lines of light into component individuals. Esperanza stiffened
self-consciously, tried to look unaware, and could not.
The line moved on.
Suddenly,
Alfredo's slow blood began to beat violently, irregularly. A girl was
coming down the line--a girl that was striking, and vividly alive, the
woman that could cause violent commotion in his heart, yet had no place
in the completed ordering of his life.
Her glance of abstracted devotion fell on him and came to a brief stop.
The
line kept moving on, wending its circuitous route away from the church
and then back again, where, according to the old proverb, all
processions end.
At
last Our Lady of Sorrows entered the church, and with her the priest
and the choir, whose voices now echoed from the arched ceiling. The
bells rang the close of the procession.
A
round orange moon, "huge as a winnowing basket," rose lazily into a
clear sky, whitening the iron roofs and dimming the lanterns at the
windows. Along the still densely shadowed streets the young women with
their rear guard of males loitered and, maybe, took the longest way
home.
Toward
the end of the row of Chinese stores, he caught up with Julia Salas.
The crowd had dispersed into the side streets, leaving Calle Real to
those who lived farther out. It was past eight, and Esperanza would be
expecting him in a little while: yet the thought did not hurry him as
he said "Good evening" and fell into step with the girl.
"I had been thinking all this time that you had gone," he said in a voice that was both excited and troubled.
"No, my sister asked me to stay until they are ready to go."
"Oh, is the Judge going?"
"Yes."
The
provincial docket had been cleared, and Judge del Valle had been
assigned elsewhere. As lawyer--and as lover--Alfredo had found that out
long before.
"Mr. Salazar," she broke into his silence, "I wish to congratulate you."
Her tone told him that she had learned, at last. That was inevitable.
"For what?"
"For your approaching wedding."
Some explanation was due her, surely. Yet what could he say that would not offend?
"I should have offered congratulations long before, but you know mere visitors are slow about getting the news," she continued.
He
listened not so much to what she said as to the nuances in her voice.
He heard nothing to enlighten him, except that she had reverted to the
formal tones of early acquaintance. No revelation there; simply the old
voice--cool, almost detached from personality, flexible and vibrant,
suggesting potentialities of song.
"Are weddings interesting to you?" he finally brought out quietly
"When they are of friends, yes."
"Would you come if I asked you?"
"When is it going to be?"
"May," he replied briefly, after a long pause.
"May is the month of happiness they say," she said, with what seemed to him a shade of irony.
"They say," slowly, indifferently. "Would you come?"
"Why not?"
"No reason. I am just asking. Then you will?"
"If you will ask me," she said with disdain.
"Then I ask you."
"Then I will be there."
The
gravel road lay before them; at the road's end the lighted windows of
the house on the hill. There swept over the spirit of Alfredo Salazar a
longing so keen that it was pain, a wish that, that house were his,
that all the bewilderments of the present were not, and that this woman
by his side were his long wedded wife, returning with him to the peace
of home.
"Julita,"
he said in his slow, thoughtful manner, "did you ever have to choose
between something you wanted to do and something you had to do?"
"No!"
"I thought maybe you had had that experience; then you could understand a man who was in such a situation."
"You are fortunate," he pursued when she did not answer.
"Is--is this man sure of what he should do?"
"I
don't know, Julita. Perhaps not. But there is a point where a thing
escapes us and rushes downward of its own weight, dragging us along.
Then it is foolish to ask whether one will or will not, because it no
longer depends on him."
"But then why--why--" her muffled voice came. "Oh, what do I know? That is his problem after all."
"Doesn't it--interest you?"
"Why must it? I--I have to say good-bye, Mr. Salazar; we are at the house."
Without lifting her eyes she quickly turned and walked away.
Had
the final word been said? He wondered. It had. Yet a feeble flutter of
hope trembled in his mind though set against that hope were three
years of engagement, a very near wedding, perfect understanding between
the parents, his own conscience, and Esperanza herself--Esperanza
waiting, Esperanza no longer young, Esperanza the efficient, the
literal-minded, the intensely acquisitive.
He looked attentively at her where she sat on the sofa, appraisingly, and with a kind of aversion which he tried to control.
She
was one of those fortunate women who have the gift of uniformly
acceptable appearance. She never surprised one with unexpected
homeliness nor with startling reserves of beauty. At home, in church, on
the street, she was always herself, a woman past first bloom, light
and clear of complexion, spare of arms and of breast, with a slight
convexity to thin throat; a woman dressed with self-conscious care, even
elegance; a woman distinctly not average.
She
was pursuing an indignant relation about something or other, something
about Calixta, their note-carrier, Alfredo perceived, so he merely
half-listened, understanding imperfectly. At a pause he drawled out to
fill in the gap: "Well, what of it?" The remark sounded ruder than he
had intended.
"She
is not married to him," Esperanza insisted in her thin, nervously
pitched voice. "Besides, she should have thought of us. Nanay
practically brought her up. We never thought she would turn out bad."
What had Calixta done? Homely, middle-aged Calixta?
"You are very positive about her badness," he commented dryly. Esperanza was always positive.
"But do you approve?"
"Of what?"
"What she did."
"No," indifferently.
"Well?"
He
was suddenly impelled by a desire to disturb the unvexed orthodoxy of
her mind. "All I say is that it is not necessarily wicked."
"Why shouldn't it be? You talked like an--immoral man. I did not know that your ideas were like that."
"My
ideas?" he retorted, goaded by a deep, accumulated exasperation. "The
only test I wish to apply to conduct is the test of fairness. Am I
injuring anybody? No? Then I am justified in my conscience. I am right.
Living with a man to whom she is not married--is that it? It may be
wrong, and again it may not."
"She has injured us. She was ungrateful." Her voice was tight with resentment.
"The trouble with you, Esperanza, is that you are--" he stopped, appalled by the passion in his voice.
"Why
do you get angry? I do not understand you at all! I think I know why
you have been indifferent to me lately. I am not blind, or deaf; I see
and hear what perhaps some are trying to keep from me." The blood
surged into his very eyes and his hearing sharpened to points of acute
pain. What would she say next?
"Why
don't you speak out frankly before it is too late? You need not think
of me and of what people will say." Her voice trembled.
Alfredo
was suffering as he could not remember ever having suffered before.
What people will say--what will they not say? What don't they say when
long engagements are broken almost on the eve of the wedding?
"Yes,"
he said hesitatingly, diffidently, as if merely thinking aloud, "one
tries to be fair--according to his lights--but it is hard. One would
like to be fair to one's self first. But that is too easy, one does not
dare--"
"What
do you mean?" she asked with repressed violence. "Whatever my
shortcomings, and no doubt they are many in your eyes, I have never gone
out of my way, of my place, to find a man."
Did she mean by this irrelevant remark that he it was who had sought her; or was that a covert attack on Julia Salas?
"Esperanza--" a desperate plea lay in his stumbling words. "If you--suppose I--" Yet how could a mere man word such a plea?
"If
you mean you want to take back your word, if you are tired of--why
don't you tell me you are tired of me?" she burst out in a storm of
weeping that left him completely shamed and unnerved.
The last word had been said.
III
AS
Alfredo Salazar leaned against the boat rail to watch the evening
settling over the lake, he wondered if Esperanza would attribute any
significance to this trip of his. He was supposed to be in Sta. Cruz
whither the case of the People of the Philippine Islands vs. Belina et
al had kept him, and there he would have been if Brigida Samuy had not
been so important to the defense. He had to find that elusive old woman.
That the search was leading him to that particular lake town which was
Julia Salas' home should not disturb him unduly Yet he was disturbed
to a degree utterly out of proportion to the prosaicalness of his
errand. That inner tumult was no surprise to him; in the last eight
years he had become used to such occasional storms. He had long
realized that he could not forget Julia Salas. Still, he had tried to
be content and not to remember too much. The climber of mountains who
has known the back-break, the lonesomeness, and the chill, finds a
certain restfulness in level paths made easy to his feet. He looks up
sometimes from the valley where settles the dusk of evening, but he
knows he must not heed the radiant beckoning. Maybe, in time, he would
cease even to look up.
He
was not unhappy in his marriage. He felt no rebellion: only the calm
of capitulation to what he recognized as irresistible forces of
circumstance and of character. His life had simply ordered itself; no
more struggles, no more stirring up of emotions that got a man nowhere.
From his capacity of complete detachment he derived a strange solace.
The essential himself, the himself that had its being in the core of his
thought, would, he reflected, always be free and alone. When claims
encroached too insistently, as sometimes they did, he retreated into the
inner fastness, and from that vantage he saw things and people around
him as remote and alien, as incidents that did not matter. At such
times did Esperanza feel baffled and helpless; he was gentle, even
tender, but immeasurably far away, beyond her reach.
Lights
were springing into life on the shore. That was the town, a little
up-tilted town nestling in the dark greenness of the groves. A
snubcrested belfry stood beside the ancient church. On the outskirts the
evening smudges glowed red through the sinuous mists of smoke that
rose and lost themselves in the purple shadows of the hills. There was a
young moon which grew slowly luminous as the coral tints in the sky
yielded to the darker blues of evening.
The
vessel approached the landing quietly, trailing a wake of long golden
ripples on the dark water. Peculiar hill inflections came to his ears
from the crowd assembled to meet the boat--slow, singing cadences,
characteristic of the Laguna lake-shore speech. From where he stood he
could not distinguish faces, so he had no way of knowing whether the
presidente was there to meet him or not. Just then a voice shouted.
"Is the abogado there? Abogado!"
"What abogado?" someone irately asked.
That must be the presidente, he thought, and went down to the landing.
It
was a policeman, a tall pock-marked individual. The presidente had
left with Brigida Samuy--Tandang "Binday"--that noon for Santa Cruz.
SeƱor Salazar's second letter had arrived late, but the wife had read
it and said, "Go and meet the abogado and invite him to our house."
Alfredo
Salazar courteously declined the invitation. He would sleep on board
since the boat would leave at four the next morning anyway. So the
presidente had received his first letter? Alfredo did not know because
that official had not sent an answer. "Yes," the policeman replied,
"but he could not write because we heard that Tandang Binday was in San
Antonio so we went there to find her."
San
Antonio was up in the hills! Good man, the presidente! He, Alfredo,
must do something for him. It was not every day that one met with such
willingness to help.
Eight
o'clock, lugubriously tolled from the bell tower, found the boat
settled into a somnolent quiet. A cot had been brought out and spread
for him, but it was too bare to be inviting at that hour. It was too
early to sleep: he would walk around the town. His heart beat faster as
he picked his way to shore over the rafts made fast to sundry piles
driven into the water.
How
peaceful the town was! Here and there a little tienda was still open,
its dim light issuing forlornly through the single window which served
as counter. An occasional couple sauntered by, the women's chinelas
making scraping sounds. From a distance came the shrill voices of
children playing games on the street--tubigan perhaps, or
"hawk-and-chicken." The thought of Julia Salas in that quiet place
filled him with a pitying sadness.
How
would life seem now if he had married Julia Salas? Had he meant
anything to her? That unforgettable red-and-gold afternoon in early
April haunted him with a sense of incompleteness as restless as other
unlaid ghosts. She had not married--why? Faithfulness, he reflected, was
not a conscious effort at regretful memory. It was something
unvolitional, maybe a recurrent awareness of irreplaceability.
Irrelevant trifles--a cool wind on his forehead, far-away sounds as of
voices in a dream--at times moved him to an oddly irresistible impulse
to listen as to an insistent, unfinished prayer.
A
few inquiries led him to a certain little tree-ceilinged street where
the young moon wove indistinct filigrees of fight and shadow. In the
gardens the cotton tree threw its angular shadow athwart the low stone
wall; and in the cool, stilly midnight the cock's first call rose in
tall, soaring jets of sound. Calle Luz.
Somehow
or other, he had known that he would find her house because she would
surely be sitting at the window. Where else, before bedtime on a
moonlit night? The house was low and the light in the sala behind her
threw her head into unmistakable relief. He sensed rather than saw her
start of vivid surprise.
"Good evening," he said, raising his hat.
"Good evening. Oh! Are you in town?"
"On some little business," he answered with a feeling of painful constraint.
"Won't you come up?"
He
considered. His vague plans had not included this. But Julia Salas had
left the window, calling to her mother as she did so. After a while,
someone came downstairs with a lighted candle to open the door. At
last--he was shaking her hand.
She
had not changed much--a little less slender, not so eagerly alive, yet
something had gone. He missed it, sitting opposite her, looking
thoughtfully into her fine dark eyes. She asked him about the home
town, about this and that, in a sober, somewhat meditative tone. He
conversed with increasing ease, though with a growing wonder that he
should be there at all. He could not take his eyes from her face. What
had she lost? Or was the loss his? He felt an impersonal curiosity
creeping into his gaze. The girl must have noticed, for her cheek
darkened in a blush.
Gently--was
it experimentally?--he pressed her hand at parting; but his own felt
undisturbed and emotionless. Did she still care? The answer to the
question hardly interested him.
The young moon had set, and from the uninviting cot he could see one half of a star-studded sky.
So that was all over.
Why had he obstinately clung to that dream?
So
all these years--since when?--he had been seeing the light of dead
stars, long extinguished, yet seemingly still in their appointed places
in the heavens.
An
immense sadness as of loss invaded his spirit, a vast homesickness for
some immutable refuge of the heart far away where faded gardens bloom
again, and where live on in unchanging freshness, the dear, dead loves
of vanished youth.
4.) Song of a City Dweller
Clear as lovely crystal
Grey like doves
The waters of the lake
Have only silence for their voice;
So will my heart seek long for song,
So will my dreams be lost like ghosts;
Pale as lonely smoke
HOW
Gerardo Luna came by his dream no one could have told, not even he. He
was a salesman in a jewelry store on Rosario street and had been little
else. His job he had inherited from his father, one might say; for his
father before him had leaned behind the self-same counter, also
solicitous, also short-sighted and thin of hair.
After
office hours, if he was tired, he took the street car to his home in
Intramuros. If he was feeling well, he walked; not frequently, however,
for he was frail of constitution and not unduly thrifty. The stairs of
his house were narrow and dark and rank with characteristic odors from a
Chinese sari-sari store which occupied part of the ground floor.
He
would sit down to a supper which savored strongly of Chinese cooking.
He was a fastidious eater. He liked to have the courses spread out where
he could survey them all. He would sample each and daintily pick out
his favorite portions—the wing tips, the liver, the brains from the
chicken course, the tail-end from the fish. He ate appreciatively, but
rarely with much appetite. After supper he spent quite a time picking
his teeth meditatively, thinking of this and that. On the verge of
dozing he would perhaps think of the forest.
For
his dream concerned the forest. He wanted to go to the forest. He had
wanted to go ever since he could remember. The forest was beautiful.
Straight-growing trees. Clear streams. A mountain brook which he might
follow back to its source up among the clouds. Perhaps the thought that
most charmed and enslaved him was of seeing the image of the forest in
the water. He would see the infinitely far blue of the sky in the clear
stream, as in his childhood, when playing in his father’s azotea, he saw
in the water-jars an image of the sky and of the pomelo tree that bent
over the railing, also to look at the sky in the jars.
Only
once did he speak of this dream of his. One day, Ambo the gatherer of
orchids came up from the provinces to buy some cheap ear-rings for his
wife’s store. He had proudly told Gerardo that the orchid season had
been good and had netted him over a thousand pesos. Then he talked to
him of orchids and where they were to be found and also of the trees
that he knew as he knew the palm of his hand. He spoke of sleeping in
the forest, of living there for weeks at a time. Gerardo had listened
with his prominent eyes staring and with thrills coursing through his
spare body. At home he told his wife about the conversation, and she was
interested in the business aspect of it.
“It would be nice to go with him once,” he ventured hopefully.
“Yes,” she agreed, “but I doubt if he would let you in on his business.”
“No,” he sounded apologetically. “But just to have the experience, to be out.”
“Out?” doubtfully.
“To be out of doors, in the hills,” he said precipitately.
“Why? That would be just courting discomfort and even sickness. And for nothing.”
He was silent.
He
never mentioned the dream again. It was a sensitive, well-mannered
dream which nevertheless grew in its quiet way. It lived under Gerardo
Luna’s pigeon chest and filled it with something, not warm or sweet, but
cool and green and murmurous with waters.
He
was under forty. One of these days when he least expected it the dream
would come true. How, he did not know. It seemed so unlikely that he
would deliberately contrive things so as to make the dream a fact. That
would he very difficult.
Then his wife died.
And
now, at last, he was to see the forest. For Ambo had come once more,
this time with tales of newly opened public land up on a forest plateau
where he had been gathering orchids. If Gerardo was interested—he seemed
to be—they would go out and locate a good piece. Gerardo was
interested—not exactly in land, but Ambo need not be told.
He
had big false teeth that did not quite fit into his gums. When he was
excited, as he was now, he spluttered and stammered and his teeth got in
the way of his words.
“I am leaving town tomorrow morning.” he informed Sotera. “Will—”
“Leaving town? Where are you going?”
“S-someone is inviting me to look at some land in Laguna.”
“Land? What are you going to do with land?”
That question had never occurred to him.
“Why,” he stammered, “Ra-raise something, I-I suppose.”
“How can you raise anything! You don’t know anything about it. You haven’t even seen a carabao!”
“Don’t exaggerate, Ate. You know that is not true.”
“Hitched to a carreton, yes; but hitched to a plow—”
“Never mind!” said Gerardo patiently. “I just want to leave you my keys tomorrow and ask you to look after the house.”
“Who is this man you are going with?”
“Ambo,
who came to the store to buy some cheap jewelry. His wife has a little
business in jewels. He suggested that I—g-go with him.”
He
found himself then putting the thing as matter-of-factly and plausibly
as he could. He emphasized the immense possibilities of land and waxed
eloquently over the idea that land was the only form of wealth that
could not he carried away.
“Why,
whatever happens, your land will be there. Nothing can possibly take it
away. You may lose one crop, two, three. Que importe! The land will
still he there.”
Sotera
said coldly, “I do not see any sense in it. How can you think of land
when a pawnshop is so much more profitable? Think! People coming to you
to urge you to accept their business. There’s Peregrina. She would make
the right partner for you, the right wife. Why don’t you decide?”
“If I marry her, I’ll keep a pawnshop—no, if I keep a pawnshop I’ll marry her,” he said hurriedly.
He
knew quite without vanity that Peregrina would take him the minute he
proposed. But he could not propose. Not now that he had visions of
himself completely made over, ranging the forest at will, knowing it
thoroughly as Ambo knew it, fearless, free. No, not Peregrina for him!
Not even for his own sake, much less Sotera’s.
Sotera
was Ate Tere to him through a devious reckoning of relationship that
was not without ingenuity. For Gerardo Luna was a younger brother to the
former mistress of Sotera’s also younger brother, and it was to
Sotera’s credit that when her brother died after a death-bed marriage
she took Gerardo under her wings and married him off to a poor relation
who took good care of him and submitted his problem as well as her own
to Sotera’s competent management. Now that Gerardo was a widower she
intended to repeat the good office and provide him with another poor
relation guaranteed to look after his physical and economic well-being
and, in addition, guaranteed to stay healthy and not die on him.
“Marrying to play nurse to your wife,” was certainly not Sotera’s idea
of a worthwhile marriage.
This
time, however, he was not so tractable. He never openly opposed her
plans, but he would not commit himself. Not that he failed to realize
the disadvantages of widowerhood. How much more comfortable it would be
to give up resisting, marry good, fat Peregrina, and be taken care of
until he died for she would surely outlive him.
But
he could not, he must not. Uncomfortable though he was, he still looked
on his widowerhood as something not fortuitous, but a feat triumphantly
achieved. The thought of another marriage was to shed his wings, was to
feel himself in a small, warm room, while overhead someone shut down on
him an opening that gave him the sky.
So to the hills he went with the gatherer of orchids.
AMONG the foothills noon found them. He was weary and wet with sweat.
“Can’t we get water?” he asked dispiritedly.
“We are coming to water,” said Ambo. “We shall be there in ten minutes.”
Up
a huge scorched log Ambo clambered, the party following. Along it they
edged precariously to avoid the charred twigs and branches that strewed
the ground. Here and there a wisp of smoke still curled feebly out of
the ashes.
“A
new kaingin,” said Ambo. “The owner will be around, I suppose. He will
not be going home before the end of the week. Too far.”
A
little farther they came upon the owner, a young man with a cheerful
face streaked and smudged from his work. He stood looking at them, his
two hands resting on the shaft of his axe.
“Where are you going?” he asked quietly and casually. All these people were casual and quiet.
“Looking at some land,” said Ambo. “Mang Gerardo is from Manila. We are going to sleep up there.”
He
looked at Gerardo Luna curiously and reviewed the two porters and
their load. An admiring look slowly appeared in his likeable eyes.
“There is a spring around here, isn’t there? Or is it dried up?”
“No, there is still water in it. Very little but good.”
They
clambered over logs and stumps down a flight of steps cut into the side
of the hill. At the foot sheltered by an overhanging fern-covered rock
was what at first seemed only a wetness. The young man squatted before
it and lifted off a mat of leaves from a tiny little pool. Taking his
tin cup he cleared the surface by trailing the bottom of the cup on it.
Then he scooped up some of the water. It was cool and clear, with an
indescribable tang of leaf and rock. It seemed the very essence of the
hills.
He
sat with the young man on a fallen log and talked with him. The young
man said that he was a high school graduate, that he had taught school
for a while and had laid aside some money with which he had bought this
land. Then he had got married, and as soon as he could manage it he
would build a home here near this spring. His voice was peaceful and
even. Gerardo suddenly heard his own voice and was embarrassed. He
lowered his tone and tried to capture the other’s quiet.
That
house would be like those he had seen on the way—brown, and in time
flecked with gray. The surroundings would be stripped bare. There would
be san franciscos around it and probably beer bottles stuck in the
ground. In the evening the burning leaves in the yard would send a
pleasant odor of smoke through the two rooms, driving away the
mosquitoes, then wandering out-doors again into the forest. At night the
red fire in the kitchen would glow through the door of the batalan and
would be visible in the forest,
The
forest was there, near enough for his upturned eyes to reach. The way
was steep, the path rising ruthlessly from the clearing in an almost
straight course. His eyes were wistful, and he sighed tremulously. The
student followed his gaze upward.
Then he said, “It must take money to live in Manila. If I had the capital I would have gone into business in Manila.”
“Why?” Gerardo was surprised.
“Why—because
the money is there, and if one wishes to fish he must go where the
fishes are. However,” he continued slowly after a silence, “it is not
likely that I shall ever do that. Well, this little place is all right.”
They
left the high school graduate standing on the clearing, his weight
resting on one foot, his eyes following them as they toiled up the
perpendicular path. At the top of the climb Gerardo sat on the ground
and looked down on the green fields far below, the lake in the distance,
the clearings on the hill sides, and then on the diminishing figure of
the high school graduate now busily hacking away, making the most of the
remaining hours of day-light. Perched above them all, he felt an
exhilaration in his painfully drumming chest.
Soon they entered the dim forest.
Here
was the trail that once was followed by the galleon traders when, to
outwit those that lay in wait for them, they landed the treasure on the
eastern shores of Luzon, and, crossing the Cordillera on this secret
trail, brought it to Laguna. A trail centuries old. Stalwart
adventurers, imperious and fearless, treasure coveted by others as
imperious and fearless, carriers bent beneath burden almost too great to
bear—stuff of ancient splendors and ancient griefs.
ON
his bed of twigs and small branches, under a roughly contrived roof
Gerardo lay down that evening after automatically crossing himself. He
shifted around until at last he settled into a comfortable hollow. The
fire was burning brightly, fed occasionally with dead branches that the
men had collected into a pile. Ambo and the porters were sitting on the
black oilcloth that had served them for a dining table. They sat with
their arms hugging their knees and talked together in peaceable tones
punctuated with brief laughter. From where he lay Gerardo Luna could
feel the warmth of the fire on his face.
He
was drifting into deeply contented slumber, lulled by the even tones of
his companions. Voices out-doors had a strange quality. They blended
with the wind, and, on its waves, flowed gently around and past one who
listened. In the haze of new sleep he thought he was listening not to
human voices, but to something more elemental. A warm sea on level
stretches of beach. Or, if he had ever known such a thing, raindrops on
the bamboos.
He awoke uneasily after an hour or two. The men were still talking, but intermittently. The fire was not so bright nor so warm.
Ambo was saying:
“Gather
more firewood. We must keep the fire burning all night. You may sleep. I
shall wake up once in a while to put on more wood.”
Gerardo
was reassured. The thought that he would have to sleep in the dark not
knowing whether snakes were crawling towards him was intolerable. He
settled once more into light slumber.
The
men talked on. They did not sing as boatmen would have done while
paddling their bancas in the dark. Perhaps only sea-folk sang and
hill-folk kept silence. For sea-folk bear no burdens to weigh them down
to the earth. Into whatever wilderness of remote sea their wanderer’s
hearts may urge them, they may load their treasures in sturdy craft,
pull at the oar or invoke the wind, and raise their voices in song. The
depths of ocean beneath, the height of sky above, and between, a song
floating out on the darkness. A song in the hills would only add to the
lonesomeness a hundredfold.
He
woke up again feeling that the little twigs underneath him had suddenly
acquired uncomfortable proportions. Surely when he lay down they were
almost unnoticeable. He raised himself on his elbow and carefully
scrutinized his mat for snakes. He shook his blanket out and once more
eased himself into a new and smoother corner. The men were now
absolutely quiet, except for their snoring. The fire was burning low.
Ambo evidently had failed to wake up in time to feed it.
He
thought of getting up to attend to the fire, but hesitated. He lay
listening to the forest and sensing the darkness. How vast that
darkness! Mile upon mile of it all around. Lost somewhere in it, a
little flicker, a little warmth.
He
got up. He found his limbs stiff and his muscles sore. He could not
straighten his back without discomfort. He went out of the tent and
carefully arranged two small logs on the fire. The air was chilly. He
looked about him at the sleeping men huddled together and doubled up for
warmth. He looked toward his tent, fitfully lighted by the fire that
was now crackling and rising higher. And at last his gaze lifted to look
into the forest. Straight white trunks gleaming dimly in the darkness.
The startling glimmer of a firefly. Outside of the circle of the fire
was the measureless unknown, hostile now, he felt. Or was it he who was
hostile? This fire was the only protection, the only thing that isolated
this little strip of space and made it shelter for defenseless man. Let
the fire go out and the unknown would roll in and engulf them all in
darkness. He hastily placed four more logs on the fire and retreated to
his tent.
He could not sleep. He felt absolutely alone. Aloneness was like hunger in that it drove away sleep.
He
remembered his wife. He had a fleeting thought of God. Then he
remembered his wife again. Probably not his wife as herself, as a
definite personality, but merely as a companion and a ministerer to his
comfort. Not his wife, but a wife. His mind recreated a scene which had
no reason at all for persisting as a memory. There was very little to
it. He had waked one midnight to find his wife sitting up in the bed
they shared. She had on her flannel camisa de chino, always more or less
dingy, and she was telling her beads. “What are you doing?” he had
asked. “I forgot to say my prayers,” she had answered.
He
was oppressed by nostalgia. And because he did not know what it was he
wanted his longing became keener. Not for his wife, nor for his life in
the city. Not for his parents nor even for his lost childhood. What was
there in these that could provoke anything remotely resembling this
regret? What was not within the life span could not be memories.
Something more remote even than race memory. His longing went farther
back, to some age in Paradise maybe when the soul of man was limitless
and unshackled: when it embraced the infinite and did not hunger because
it had the inexhaustible at its command.
When
he woke again the fire was smoldering. But there was a light in the
forest, an eerie light. It was diffused and cold. He wondered what it
was. There were noises now where before had seemed only the silence
itself. There were a continuous trilling, strange night-calls and a
peculiar, soft clinking which recurred at regular intervals. Forest
noises. There was the noise, too, of nearby waters.
One of the men woke up and said something to another who was also evidently awake, Gerardo called out.
“What noise is that?”
“Which noise?”
“That queer, ringing noise.”
“That? That’s caused by tree worms, I have been told.”
He had a sudden vision of long, strong worms drumming with their heads on the barks of trees.
“The other noise is the worm noise,” corrected Ambo. “That hissing. That noise you are talking about is made by crickets.”
“What is that light?” he presently asked.
“That is the moon,” said Ambo.
“The moon!” Gerardo exclaimed and fell silent. He would never understand the forest.
Later he asked, “Where is that water that I hear?”
“A little farther and lower, I did not wish to camp there because of the leeches. At daylight we shall stop there, if you wish.”
When
he awoke again it was to find the dawn invading the forest. He knew the
feel of the dawn from the many misas de gallo that he had gone to on
December mornings. The approach of day-light gave him a feeling of
relief. And he was saddened.
He
sat quietly on a flat stone with his legs in the water and looked
around. He was still sore all over. His neck ached, his back hurt, his
joints troubled him. He sat there, his wet shirt tightly plastered over
his meager form and wondered confusedly about many things. The sky
showed overhead through the rift in the trees. The sun looked through
that opening on the rushing water. The sky was high and blue. It was as
it always had been in his dreams, beautiful as he had always thought it
would be. But he would never come back. This little corner of the earth
hidden in the hills would never again be before his gaze.
He
looked up again at the blue sky and thought of God. God for him was
always up in the sky. Only the God he thought of now was not the God he
had always known. This God he was thinking of was another God. He was
wondering if when man died and moved on to another life he would not
find there the things he missed and so wished to have. He had a deep
certainty that that would be so, that after his mortal life was over and
we came against that obstruction called death, our lives, like a
stream that runs up against a dam, would still flow on, in courses
fuller and smoother. This must be so. He had a feeling, almost an
instinct, that he was not wrong. And a Being, all wise and
compassionate, would enable us to remedy our frustrations and
heartaches.
HE
went straight to Sotera’s to get the key to his house. In the half
light of the stairs he met Peregrina, who in the solicitous expression
of her eyes saw the dust on his face, his hands, and his hair, saw the
unkempt air of the whole of him. He muttered something polite and
hurried up stairs, self-consciousness hampering his feet. Peregrina,
quite without embarrassment, turned and climbed the stairs after him.
On
his way out with the keys in his hand he saw her at the head of the
stairs anxiously lingering. He stopped and considered her thoughtfully.
“Pereg, as soon as I get these clothes off I shall come to ask you a question that is very—very important to me.”
As
she smiled eagerly but uncertainly into his face, he heard a jangling
in his hand. He felt, queerly, that something was closing above his
hand, and that whoever was closing it, was rattling the keys.
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